so i've had a rough past couple of days due to my inability to not like guys wherever i go. it's just something that happens to me, i find someone who i like and likes me and then we get closer to each other and if it doesn't end well, then you can probably guess the alternative: absolute shit.
i liked someone who liked me but turns out he has a gf who he also likes and is going to stay with. so i guess i can deal with that, i knew he had a gf going into it, i didn't think it was very serious but why should i want someone who doesn't adore me? i deserve at least that and i shouldn't and won't settle for less. he said im his best friend and he pleaded with me to stay friends and after denying him that friendship for about a day, i felt fabulously awful and decided to move on with my life. if all i am going to get is friendship, that is better than enemyship. and friendship, according to jake, is the best kind of ship out there.
i laid in bed for the entire day feeling sorry for myself and being sad, the usual way i deal with things. then rahul told me to get off my ass and go to dinner with him and that was the moment that changed everything. i don't need to sit and sulk by myself when i have such great friends that i would be missing good times with. and dinner WAS a good time with david leibman being all goofy and rahul being all crazy, the usual. and then i went and chatted with jake and jeff about some travel plans and headed back to my room to hang out with kristen and alex.
things are looking up. i've realized that in the past i've dealt with issues about relationships (or lack thereof) in a very poor way. i sit and feel sad and don't eat and hate the world until it finally dissipates. but i'm taking action to make it go away...my life is way too short to feel sad. i was lecturing someone about this the other day, so why not heed my own advice? really, life is so beautiful and i don't want to waste it. i am healthy, i have a beyond wonderful family who i adore and love and miss so much, i have the best friends in the world who care about me an ungodly amount, i have cute little doggies to brighten my day, an awesome school at home, an awesome school in hong kong, and on top of that, i'm pretty freakin' cool too. :) just kidding. sort of.
so in an effort to be happy and healthy in mind, body and spirit, i've decided to forgive the poor guy. he made mistakes, he knows it and feels bad for it. i made mistakes and i'm ready to move on already.
i just want to be happy. that's all.
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